Meet Life Transformation Coach, Kathryn Mitchem. Her specialty? Coaching women through their divorce (or breakup) from a Narcissist, and teaching them how to disengage and move on from a Narcissistic Ex.
Which can be tricky for anyone who’s spent years under the spell of a narcissist – but not impossible, with the right guidance. Here, Kathryn shares her 5 steps to disengaging and move on from a narcissistic ex.
Step 1. Learn the Characteristics of a Narcissistic – The Demystification Process.
“Classic narcissists lack empathy,” explains Kathryn. “They are unwilling to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They do not consider, or care about, the pain they inflict on others.
They have a grandiose sense of self and believe they can choose to act outside of legal boundaries and/or commitments.
They are also masters of projection and dishonesty. They project their own subconscious negative self-judgements onto their targets.
Read and become familiar with more characteristics of narcissistic behavior so that you’ll be prepared for other challenges that may come your way.”
Step 2. Never Believe Their Criticism of You, and Most Importantly, Take Time to Heal.
“While you are in the healing process, create a pocket of space in the world that the narcissist in your life cannot access or touch, so that you can get stronger,” Kathryn advises. “Whether it includes working with a therapist, life coach, support group, yoga or self-improvement course; sequester the people, place and atmosphere where you are working on your healing, away from the narcissist.”
Step 3. Accept That You Will Never Change His View of You or Gain His Approval.
“Once you are out of his life you have no value in his eyes; you become the enemy because you have threatened his fragile sense of self,” Kathryn warns. “This means he will lash out, belittle you and react in rage. Be prepared. Continue to work on loving yourself again, or maybe for the first time in your life. Act on affirming your new beliefs about yourself to reinforce these new positive beliefs. For example, if through your healing process you discover a hidden talent or interest, begin pursuing it; don’t wait.”
Step 4. In Co-Parenting, Work on Strengthening YOUR Relationship with Your Children.
“Don’t worry about his,” Kathryn says. “Children are smart and often know the difference between authentic connection and love, and manipulation. Work on creating safe and trusting bonds with your children so they have at least one reliable parent who is putting their needs first. Lead by example in modelling positive, constructive expressions of love.”
Step 5. Set Firm Boundaries (Including Legal Boundaries) and Limit Engagement.
“A narcissistic ex may threaten to ‘destroy’ you when you start to stand up for what you and your children need to move forward. They may threaten to take your kids away, or never give you a penny in child support or alimony. Unfortunately, this extreme rhetoric is textbook for the narcissist. Don’t be afraid to utilise the law to enforce what has been agreed upon or for your personal safety. It is made to protect you and your children, so that you can successfully move on with your life.
Do NOT reply to or engage with threatening emails or phone calls. Remain informed about your legal rights and lean on your support system. If panic begins to take hold, work with a professional counsellor, life coach or therapist to practice breathing, meditation, talk therapy and other mindfulness techniques. These practices will pull you out of ‘panic mode’ and help you disengage from your ex’s distorted belief system so you do not adopt it as your own.
ABOUT: Kathryn Mitchem is a Transitions Expert and Life Coach, specialising in Divorce and Midlife Crisis. Through tools and techniques from Yoga, Mindfulness, Satori Lifestyle Coaching and East/West philosophy; she supports people through difficult times to survive the tough emotions that come with change while creating new pathways into the next phases of life. Her latest online learning courses ‘Divorce 9-1-1’ and ‘Stuck in the Muck – survive and thrive through a midlife crisis’ are now available for download at www.kathrynmitchem.com. Kathryn very kindly wrote 5 Steps To Move On From A Narcissistic Ex.
This article was first published on Frankixo.com